Friday, June 8, 2018

Colorectal Ditties


This past Sunday, June 3rd, was cancer survivor day. I am happy to be a 10 year survivor of colorectal cancer myself. Being a survivor though is not without its own set of experiences. Often the price of living, is living with a brand new “normal”, one that others don’t see. For those times though, even when things are going really tough, I like to try and laugh at the experience. Not because it is funny in itself, but because to laugh at something takes away its power over you. Other than love, there is no greater power that humans can wield.

In that vein, the following little ditties are for those like myself that are rectally challenged. I give the artist’s names first, not so much to hear the tune, but to apologize to them for what I did to it!

(Gene Autry)

Back to the bathroom again, white porcelain is my friend.

Don’t know when it will come, when it does I have to run

Back to the bathroom again.



(Ray Stevens)

Oh yes, they call it the Streak. I feel a wet spot on my seat.

When I remove my underwear, see the lines showing there,

I know that something has seeped.



(Statler Brothers)

Counting flowers on the wall, while I’m sitting in the stall.

Playing Solitaire till one, on a Galaxy Samsung.

Downloading Stranger Things and watching Season Two

Now don’t tell me, I’ve nothing to do.



(Tennessee Ernie Ford)

You dump Sixteen Tons, what do you get? A butt that’s sore and a seat that’s wet.

You think that it’s over, you get up to go,

Then another load comes and she’s ready to blow!

(Johnny Cash/Sons of the Pioneers)

I see the toilet paper roll, it’s down to just one sheet.

And all the backup paper rolls are just beyond my reach.

I should have changed it out but I just didn’t take the time.

So I’ll sit here till my legs go numb, and I can’t feel my behind.

Yippie-Ky-Yay! Yippie-Ky-Yo!

Where is my be-hind??



Have a laugh today!

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Amens

Some of you know that I occasionally will write a poem or a short story. The stories range from somewhat funny to horror (I call it taking the demons out for a stroll) or everything in between. This one falls under the unusual category, much like me! Please enjoy.

Amens by Mark D. Mills
John stood in the doorway of 317 Lockwood Street. He hesitated, took a deep, if nervous breath, and knocked. He stood there for a few seconds, wondering if he might get a pass on this one, then he heard sounds coming from inside. The door opened, and the smell of B.O., early morning beer and cigarette smoke hit John immediately, exploding on him in waves. Before John stood a huge bulk of a man; hair unkempt, face unshaven, and shirtless. The hair on his body, however, more than compensated for any immodesty. Being the type of man to use words frugally (if at all), he simply glared down at John and grunted out “What?”
“Um, yes…” said John. “My name is John Till, and I have a matter to discuss with Mrs. Mary Collen if I may. Is she in, please?”
The human barricade obviously didn’t think much of John, and less of his request. “What you want with Mary? I’m her husband, you can deal with me.” Even as he said this, John heard the implied threat. Still, he had a job to do.
“This is rather personal sir, just concerning Mrs. Collen. I’m here to make amends.”
“Amens? What are you, some kinda preacher?”
“No sir, not at all. Making amends is to try and make right something you’ve done in your past. At the very least, to apologize. May I see her, please?”
The Bulk seemed to be considering it. John thought it was more exertion than he had put out for a while. Finally, the Bulk said, “Sure, preacher, come in. But don’t try anything, or I’ll break you like a twig.” John had no doubt he could keep that threat. “Mary, some guy to see you! Get out here, now!”
From the kitchen stepped a young women carrying a small child on her hip. While still young, she was aged well beyond her years. She looked confusedly at John, then at her husband, not knowing who John was at all. The bulk was walking out of the room. “And hurry up, it’s almost lunch time.” No need to imply the threat this time, it was understood.
“Well, come on in here, Mr….?”
“John Till. No reason you should know that, Mary. I’m afraid I’ve startled you, though, and that is not my intent.”
Mary was more confused than ever. “Ok…well, come on into the living room and we’ll sit down. Oh, can I get you something to drink, Mr. Till?”
“John, please. And a glass of sweet tea would be just fine, thank you.”
Mary set the child in his bouncy chair by the couch, and went into the kitchen for the tea. John looked at the child and smiled. “I hope this helps you, little one. Maybe this will break the chain.”
Mary came back into the living room, and sat the tea in front of John. “Well, I don’t know what you want with me, but I’ll tell you right now if you’re selling something, we’re not buying so don’t waste your time.”
John smiled. He’d heard this same line now several times, and it never lost its sense of irony. “I’m not selling anything, Mary. You might say I’m giving instead. You see, I’m here to make amends for something I did that’s impacted your life. Ask forgiveness, and try to make it right.”
“I’m sorry,Mr….uh, John…I don’t know you, so I don’t know what you could have done that matters to me.”
John took a sip of his tea. There was never a problem he ever had that sweet iced tea couldn’t calm him down, and help him think. It was his elixir.
“What I did, Mary, was years ago. You see, I’m much older than I look. What happened was to your father-in-law, not the man you know, but your husband Charlie’s biological father.”
Mary started. “How would you know him? He died years ago, when Charlie was just 13.”
“Yes, committed suicide, actually. And it was my actions that drove him to it. We were in business together, until I grew to where I thought I couldn’t trust him. Truth is, I grew greedy, and I didn’t trust anyone. I got him kicked out of the company, and took over his assets. He was always a bit mean spirited, but it became more and more so, until he couldn’t even live with himself. That was the reason for his suicide, but it didn’t happen before he transferred his anger with me on the world, and especially, Charlie.”
“I know you felt pity for Charlie when you met him, and eventually even loved him. But Charlie’s hurts were not yours to heal, and his actions he must deal with on his own as well. The reason I’m here is because Charlie’s actions toward you are a result of his father’s actions toward him, and those actions are a direct result of my doing. My first question is…can you forgive me?”
Mary sat stunned. She would love to think this guy was just nuts, but he had so much detail that it frightened her a little. Best to get him out as quick as possible. “Sure, OK, I forgive you if that’s what you need. Now I really got to get to Charlie’s lunch.”
John smiled again. “That’s only half the equation to amending, Mary. Now I need to do something to make that wrong into a right. I know that you worry for yourself, but even more so for your child. Am I correct in saying that money is what keeps you here?”
This was starting to get a little too personal for Mary. “First off, that’s none of your business. Second off, you can look around here and tell there isn’t any money. So unless you’ve got a check there in your pocket, I think you better leave.”
John stood up. Everything was going as expected, and he didn’t need to be here much longer. “Mary, I don’t have a check, but I believe I have something better.” He pulled a piece of paper from his pants pocket. “The top number there is of a personal account I have set up in the Cayman’s, and the bottom number is a direct line to the bank’s director. He knows to be expecting your call. As soon as you do, that money will be transferred to a separate account in your name, to do with as you wish. If you do not call within 7 days of today’s date, it will be divided between several charities that have been chosen beforehand. Again, you may do as you wish, but I believe you would choose a better life for you and your child than my actions have caused so far.”
Mary stood and took the paper. This can’t be true, and yet, she wanted it to be. Mary asked “If I did call, how much are we looking at here? One Thousand? Fifteen Hundred?”
John started heading back to the front door. “I’m not really sure anymore. It has grown some since I set it up. I believe the last time I checked it was in the region of 8 figures, but it may have increased. Good day, Mary, and thank you for accepting my amends.”
John took a look back as he exited onto the front porch. She was still staring at the paper when John heard Charlie shout “Mary, where’s my lunch?” She looked back at the paper, stuffed it into her pants pocket, and went to the kitchen. “Coming, Charlie!”
She would call. John could feel it. And she and the child would break the cycle that had drawn them down for so long. Now there was just one stop left, and this was the hardest one of all.
John went to almost the edge of town, to an old, overgrown field. There had once been a fence surrounding the property, but it had long since fallen into disrepair, now with big gaping spaces allowing access to anyone or anything. John stepped gingerly over the fence, and walked to the middle of the field, stopping by a large willow tree. He had always loved willows. They were so beautiful, but also so sad. Kind of like himself. So many things were going through his mind. There were so many wrongs, there was so much unkindness, so much hate. All without reason. But the hate was gone now. The wrongs had been set right. There was only one thing left, and that was here. John choked up just a little, and whispered “I forgive you.”
The part of the field where John ended up was quite secluded, but if someone had been watching, they would have been surprised. The wind, very calm all day, began to softly move the branches on the willow tree. Next, the man (or was it a shadow) that had been standing there seemed to change shape, as if blowing back and forth with the wind. Then, the sun must have come in from behind a cloud, because there was now nothing there beneath the tree but a simple stone that read:
John Till
1948-2010

Influences


I recently did a challenge on Facebook to name 10 albums that have been an influence on me. As I think back on it, I realize these albums influenced my music, but not necessarily me. I can point to many people and things that have influenced me (yeah, I’m gullible that way) but it’s hard to nail down the how and harder the why. I’m going to try to acknowledge at least some of the people that have. The main problem with that is that every person that comes into your life has made some influence, one way or another. There is no way to give credit to everyone. (Kind of like Oscar Night – you know?) So I’m just going to hit on a few.

One of the earliest religious influences I had, other than my parents, was the pastor at St. John’s UMC (then just Methodist – didn’t go United till 1968. Happy 50th!), Rev. Oscar Smith. (See what I did with Oscar Night there?) He was very personable. He and my dad would go hunting together. His wife and my mom were good friends (and shared the name Leona-her first, mom’s middle). His daughter was only a year or two older than me. I probably spent as much time there as I did at my own house (we were just down the street). I’d spend summer climbing their willow tree and swimming, winter sledding down the best hill in the neighborhood. We would start at the top of the church parking lot, and end up two houses past theirs!

Oscar was also a Shriner clown. I think that’s something I remember better than anything. Because his attitude was one of joy. Going to church wasn’t fearful, or bombastic, or even dull. The Joy of the Lord was his strength, and it showed in the service. Not irreverent, although I wouldn’t have known that at the time, but joyful…fun. Oscar was a man who lived a joyful AND a Godly life, and it came out in everything he did.

I think that’s one of the reasons I place so much emphasis on Love in what I say and write. We have churches that decry the sin in the world (and that should be done!) but in so doing they also launch an attack on those who are sinning. There is a fine line here, between condemning the sin and condemning the sinner. One is allowed and expected of us, the other the province of God alone. That is the difference between in the world, but not of it. Ours is to love every person, regardless, even our enemies. We are given no other option there. And an atmosphere of Love is best grown in an atmosphere of Joy.

Think for just a bit. Does anything in your beliefs allow you to look down on or judge another person? (Not their actions, but the person themselves.) Think hard on this. Hate doesn’t always show itself in broad, Dr. Evil kind of ways. Usually, hate is very subtle. It can be is the casual off-hand comment, the condescending eye roll, the self-righteous smirk. Think “Bless their hearts”. (You in the South know what I mean!) It can be anything that allows us to consider ourselves better than any other person in our own eyes. In God’s eyes, we are all the same. We are ALL His children. We are ALL sinners. Being in that same boat does not allow us the freedom or capacity to judge any other human being. Only God can see the heart, and only God is allowed to judge. And thank God, that judgment is tempered by His Mercy and Grace. Otherwise, we would ALL be TOAST! Remember that, and always try to share God’s Love which He gives in abundance, rather than God’s wrath, which we have no right to.

Anyway, to Oscar Smith, thank you.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

58 Trips Around The Sun


This past week I spent about 20 minutes on the Interstate behind one specific truck. No room to pass him, just stuck there. On the back of the truck was the logo for the company that owned it. It was a tree in a beautifully manicured plot of land. The truck was owned by a casket company! In my mind I thought “Fitting. We’re all just chasing our caskets to the grave. Might as well follow them on the Interstate too!”

58 years is a long time on this earth, although it’s not as long as it used to be. Still, I’ve developed my beliefs, my way of thinking, to the point that I don’t need to apologize if someone believes or thinks differently. I’ve done that, a lot. And at 58, no more. I will no longer apologize for thinking or believing differently. While I will honor anyone’s basic right to believe or feel what they wish (no matter how wrong they are-I’m always right, right?), I’ll stand firm on my own unless persuaded otherwise by logical argument. (Then again, if it’s based on MY logic…well you get the picture!)

I remember, when I was directing, getting the chance to have my old piano teacher to play for me. We were “discussing” a particular song that I wanted to do one way, and she kept playing differently. Finally, she said, “Mark, I’m old enough to play this my way. If you don’t like it, I don’t have to play!” Needless to say, she played it her way!

We spend a lot of time as Christians, it seems, apologizing as well. Sometimes, we should. When things we do are fueled by hate, or oppression, or anything other than Love, then we should not only apologize to the person hurt, but to God for being so far out of His will. This happens WAY too often. But we should never be ashamed to stand up for our faith. Never be ashamed to do what is right in God’s eyes. Never be afraid to live our lives so that we are a “light of the world.”

“You are a light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven.” Matt. 5:14-16

You see, our job is not to condemn, only God is allowed to judge, or exact revenge. (Matt. 7:1-2) (Rom. 12:19-21) Our job isn’t even to convert, only God can give salvation, God alone. (Eph. 2:8-9) Our task is live so that we are a beacon for others to see what God can do for us, and to us, warts and all. To show how much He loves and cares for not just us, but all men and women everywhere. (John 3:16-17 – yeah you know it, but read it anyway!) We who know His light must walk in that light, so that His light can shine for others. There is a difference between being a light and being a flame thrower. When our actions are fueled by fear, or hate or even just a sense of “judgementalism”, we cover God’s light, put it under a basket, and no one can be drawn to Him. No one can know the inexpressible beauty of His love, His joy, His peace, His security. And that would be the greatest tragedy of all. If our religion were to stand in the way of His salvation.

Back to the casket. We are only given a short time here on earth. I resolve to stand firm in what I believe, and not apologize. I resolve to try to love others as unconditionally as I can, so that God’s love can be seen. I resolve to leave judgement to God, so that He can show compassion, just like He did for me. I will not apologize for loving others as I love myself, and am loved by Him. Call me a stubborn old man (you’d by right!), but as a dear pastor friend once said “There it is if you like it. There it is if you don’t. Anyway, there it is!” (Thanks, Bro. Rock Hardaway – miss you!)

Love.

Friday, January 26, 2018

Like Sands Through The Hourglass


Please forgive my absence for a couple of months. Many of my thoughts have been hard to hold on to, and many of my musings have been unrepeatable in polite society. (Polite society – isn’t that an oxymoron, or is society itself moronic? You get the picture!)

I come back to this forum because of an anniversary of sorts I had last week. 1/16/2008, when I was diagnosed with Colorectal Cancer. The cancer was removed surgically on February 20th of that year, making me now a 10 year survivor. It’s not an anniversary of my own making. I’ve known some survivors who have been around much longer, and some who have passed in much less time. My continuing on is by God’s grace. (Let me just say, however, Cancer is an evil that falls on the just and unjust. That some have passed is not due to God “cursing” them.)

Why do we place such emphasis on dates in time? Anniversaries, births, deaths, we all have a place to store those dates that mean the most to us. First off, we recognize that we do live in the confines of time, and of that only in the present. Maybe marking the passage of an occurrence in the past, and remembering it at intervals, allows us to feel as if we can hold on to the past, even if only a fleeting moment.

Or is it because we want to recall the emotion associated with that event? (Joy, Shame, Anger, etc.) The event being important enough to need to retain whatever emotion it created. Or maybe it’s simply a need to just remember. To validate who we are by holding claim to those things that made us. For me, I think this last one has the most meaning. 2008 was quite eventful for me: cancer, surgery, ostomy, an introduction to an obnoxiously loud device called a wound-vac, the equally obnoxious tacidurn tape, ostomy reversal, dealing with work/health issues related to all that, getting ordained, losing my dad, and any number of smaller things in between. Lots of marked out dates on the calendar.

So we all have these stone carved historical markers in our lives. It becomes important then how we use them. If we try to hold on to them, without looking forward? We grasp for a past that is no longer in our reach, and the stones become a wall to hold us in and all others out. We cannot enjoy the present (our place in time) because we do not live there, and the wall prevents us from going through.

If we use the past as a foundation to move forward? Then the stones become a road, laid out one stone at a time, and each step forward becomes possible because of each step before. Always moving forward, because if we stop, the present becomes the past, and the stones again become a wall.

A verse to help: Philippians 3:13-14. “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind, and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” The goal is always ahead, just as we must always grow. If you don’t seem to be moving, there are two possibilities: either God is wanting you to rest (which in Him is also growth) or you’ve got a stone in the way that needs to be repurposed from a wall to a road. The choice is yours.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

His Steadfast Love Endures Forever


 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.
 Give thanks to the God of gods, for his steadfast love endures forever.
 Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 to him who alone does great wonders, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 to him who by understanding made the heavens, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 to him who spread out the earth above the waters, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 to him who made the great lights, for his steadfast love endures forever;
  the sun to rule over the day, for his steadfast love endures forever;

 the moon and stars to rule over the night, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt,  for his steadfast love endures forever;
 and brought Israel out from among them, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 to him who divided the Red Sea in two, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 and made Israel pass through the midst of it,for his steadfast love endures forever;
 but overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea, for his steadfast love endures forever;

 to him who led his people through the wilderness, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 to him who struck down great kings, for his steadfast love endures forever;
and killed mighty kings, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 Sihon, king of the Amorites, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 and Og, king of Bashan, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 and gave their land as a heritage, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 a heritage to Israel his servant, for his steadfast love endures forever.

 It is he who remembered us in our low estate, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 and rescued us from our foes, for his steadfast love endures forever;
 he who gives food to all flesh, for his steadfast love endures forever.
 Give thanks to the God of heaven,for his steadfast love endures forever.
Psalm 136

Thursday, November 16, 2017

The Ballad of Buckeye and Studly

Christmas 1994. Just a few months before my wife-to-be and I were married. We were exchanging presents, as we normally did, with Sherrie and Eddie Johnson, our good friends and the parents of our godsons, Robbie and Terry. As I opened mine from Eddie, I was almost blinded by the bright, red tee-shirt. On the front, in all caps, was one word, "STUDLY". While I won't go into the full story behind that joke, gentle reader, we still laughed a long time about it afterward.

Fast Forward to February 1996, our first anniversary as husband and wife. We traveled to the Smokies with Sherrie and Eddie for a weekend away. One morning, we were walking along a short trail, when Eddie spotted something on the ground. He reached down, picked up a buckeye, and put it in my hand. He said it meant we would always be friends. I keep that buckeye stored away even now.

Eddie Johnson passed away this week after a long fight with a cancer he was told would take him over two years ago. He was a great father, grandfather, son, brother, friend. And true to his word, for 30 plus years, my friend. But he was so much more. He had the heart of an angel, and the mischievousness of an imp.There was nothing he wouldn't do for you, and do it right then, not  "at a later date". He was honest and straightforward with his opinions, and still could love you if he disagreed. When we learned he had passed, it felt like a piece of my heart was gone, and will go one empty from now on. But I'll remember you forever, my friend. That buckeye contract still stands.

Yours, Studly