Amens
by Mark D. Mills
John stood in the doorway of 317 Lockwood Street. He
hesitated, took a deep, if nervous breath, and knocked. He stood there for a
few seconds, wondering if he might get a pass on this one, then he heard sounds
coming from inside. The door opened, and the smell of B.O., early morning beer
and cigarette smoke hit John immediately, exploding on him in waves. Before
John stood a huge bulk of a man; hair unkempt, face unshaven, and shirtless.
The hair on his body, however, more than compensated for any immodesty. Being
the type of man to use words frugally (if at all), he simply glared down at
John and grunted out “What?”
“Um, yes…” said John. “My name is John Till, and I have a
matter to discuss with Mrs. Mary Collen if I may. Is she in, please?”
The human barricade obviously didn’t think much of John,
and less of his request. “What you want with Mary? I’m her husband, you can
deal with me.” Even as he said this, John heard the implied threat. Still, he
had a job to do.
“This is rather personal sir, just concerning Mrs.
Collen. I’m here to make amends.”
“Amens? What are you, some kinda preacher?”
“No sir, not at all. Making amends is to try and make
right something you’ve done in your past. At the very least, to apologize. May
I see her, please?”
The Bulk seemed to be considering it. John thought it was
more exertion than he had put out for a while. Finally, the Bulk said, “Sure,
preacher, come in. But don’t try anything, or I’ll break you like a twig.” John
had no doubt he could keep that threat. “Mary, some guy to see you! Get out
here, now!”
From the kitchen stepped a young women carrying a small
child on her hip. While still young, she was aged well beyond her years. She
looked confusedly at John, then at her husband, not knowing who John was at
all. The bulk was walking out of the room. “And hurry up, it’s almost lunch
time.” No need to imply the threat this time, it was understood.
“Well, come on in here, Mr….?”
“John Till. No reason you should know that, Mary. I’m
afraid I’ve startled you, though, and that is not my intent.”
Mary was more confused than ever. “Ok…well, come on into
the living room and we’ll sit down. Oh, can I get you something to drink, Mr.
Till?”
“John, please. And a glass of sweet tea would be just
fine, thank you.”
Mary set the child in his bouncy chair by the couch, and
went into the kitchen for the tea. John looked at the child and smiled. “I hope
this helps you, little one. Maybe this will break the chain.”
Mary came back into the living room, and sat the tea in
front of John. “Well, I don’t know what you want with me, but I’ll tell you
right now if you’re selling something, we’re not buying so don’t waste your
time.”
John smiled. He’d heard this same line now several times,
and it never lost its sense of irony. “I’m not selling anything, Mary. You
might say I’m giving instead. You see, I’m here to make amends for something I
did that’s impacted your life. Ask forgiveness, and try to make it right.”
“I’m sorry,Mr….uh, John…I don’t know you, so I don’t know
what you could have done that matters to me.”
John took a sip of his tea. There was never a problem he
ever had that sweet iced tea couldn’t calm him down, and help him think. It was
his elixir.
“What I did, Mary, was years ago. You see, I’m much older
than I look. What happened was to your father-in-law, not the man you know, but
your husband Charlie’s biological father.”
Mary started. “How would you know him? He died years ago,
when Charlie was just 13.”
“Yes, committed suicide, actually. And it was my actions
that drove him to it. We were in business together, until I grew to where I
thought I couldn’t trust him. Truth is, I grew greedy, and I didn’t trust
anyone. I got him kicked out of the company, and took over his assets. He was
always a bit mean spirited, but it became more and more so, until he couldn’t
even live with himself. That was the reason for his suicide, but it didn’t
happen before he transferred his anger with me on the world, and especially,
Charlie.”
“I know you felt pity for Charlie when you met him, and
eventually even loved him. But Charlie’s hurts were not yours to heal, and his
actions he must deal with on his own as well. The reason I’m here is because
Charlie’s actions toward you are a result of his father’s actions toward him,
and those actions are a direct result of my doing. My first question is…can you
forgive me?”
Mary sat stunned. She would love to think this guy was
just nuts, but he had so much detail that it frightened her a little. Best to
get him out as quick as possible. “Sure, OK, I forgive you if that’s what you
need. Now I really got to get to Charlie’s lunch.”
John smiled again. “That’s only half the equation to
amending, Mary. Now I need to do something to make that wrong into a right. I
know that you worry for yourself, but even more so for your child. Am I correct
in saying that money is what keeps you here?”
This was starting to get a little too personal for Mary.
“First off, that’s none of your business. Second off, you can look around here
and tell there isn’t any money. So unless you’ve got a check there in your
pocket, I think you better leave.”
John stood up. Everything was going as expected, and he
didn’t need to be here much longer. “Mary, I don’t have a check, but I believe
I have something better.” He pulled a piece of paper from his pants pocket. “The
top number there is of a personal account I have set up in the Cayman’s, and
the bottom number is a direct line to the bank’s director. He knows to be
expecting your call. As soon as you do, that money will be transferred to a
separate account in your name, to do with as you wish. If you do not call
within 7 days of today’s date, it will be divided between several charities
that have been chosen beforehand. Again, you may do as you wish, but I believe
you would choose a better life for you and your child than my actions have
caused so far.”
Mary stood and took the paper. This can’t be true, and
yet, she wanted it to be. Mary asked “If I did call, how much are we looking at
here? One Thousand? Fifteen Hundred?”
John started heading back to the front door. “I’m not
really sure anymore. It has grown some since I set it up. I believe the last
time I checked it was in the region of 8 figures, but it may have increased.
Good day, Mary, and thank you for accepting my amends.”
John took a look back as he exited onto the front porch.
She was still staring at the paper when John heard Charlie shout “Mary, where’s
my lunch?” She looked back at the paper, stuffed it into her pants pocket, and
went to the kitchen. “Coming, Charlie!”
She would call. John could feel it. And she and the child
would break the cycle that had drawn them down for so long. Now there was just
one stop left, and this was the hardest one of all.
John went to almost the edge of town, to an old,
overgrown field. There had once been a fence surrounding the property, but it
had long since fallen into disrepair, now with big gaping spaces allowing
access to anyone or anything. John stepped gingerly over the fence, and walked
to the middle of the field, stopping by a large willow tree. He had always
loved willows. They were so beautiful, but also so sad. Kind of like himself.
So many things were going through his mind. There were so many wrongs, there
was so much unkindness, so much hate. All without reason. But the hate was gone
now. The wrongs had been set right. There was only one thing left, and that was
here. John choked up just a little, and whispered “I forgive you.”
The part of the field where John ended up was quite
secluded, but if someone had been watching, they would have been surprised. The
wind, very calm all day, began to softly move the branches on the willow tree. Next,
the man (or was it a shadow) that had been standing there seemed to change
shape, as if blowing back and forth with the wind. Then, the sun must have come
in from behind a cloud, because there was now nothing there beneath the tree
but a simple stone that read:
John
Till
1948-2010
